I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
