areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
