Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
