I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
