he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
