I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
