if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
