Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
