not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
