We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
