guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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