why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
