I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
