In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
