Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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