He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
