Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
