so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
