I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
