i may or may not be watching the land before time
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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