dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
