So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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