it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
