Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
