My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
