If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize