Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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