so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
