You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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