The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize