i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
