Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish I only lived at night.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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