I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He better not be in your backpack
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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