and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize