i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
