I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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