mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got chris browned last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
