I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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