If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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