I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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