I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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