alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
