last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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