I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
