Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
