We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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