my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
