that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
