Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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