i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
