you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
