so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize