You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
