listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
