im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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