im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
