I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
