Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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