A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
