Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
