Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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