Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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