Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
