Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
