maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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