he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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