we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
