u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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