new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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