my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
