Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
